Love, life, meaning …over

. When one looses the one they love nothing is ever the same. "Don't do anything reckless or stupid," how could I forget him when my mind screamed at me to remember? Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget. I have nothing, am nothing without him. But he's not here…and he's never coming back.

What do I do?

It hurt so badly to think of him, but yet I couldn't stop myself.

The sensation that a huge hole had been punched through my chest, excising my most vital organs and leaving ragged, unhealed gashes around the edges that continued to throb and bleed despite the passage of time war on me. Rationally, I knew my lungs must still be intact, yet I gasped for air and my head spun like my efforts yielded me nothing. My heart must have been beating, too, but I couldn't hear the sound of my pulse in my ears; my hands felt blue with cold. I begged for an end, a numbness from this pain perhaps a denial that would provide some relief, but it evaded me.
But what if this hole never got any better? If the new edges never healed? If the damage was permanent and irreversible?
How would I survive?
As if he'd never existed, I thought in despair. What a stupid and impossible promise to make! He could steal my pictures and reclaim his gifts, as if that put things back the way they'd been before I'd met him….
As if he'd never existed? That was insanity. It was a promise that he could never keep, a promise that was broken as soon as he made it..


              She had died with him that day in the woods and she was not coming back.